Last tuesday, 10 feb 2009, I was finally in court for four parking tickets going back to nov 2007. All the same place, (outside my house), same vehicle. There were 5 tickets, but one was dropped for no apparent reason.
Last time that this happened, they chickened out at the last minute, dropped the charges when I turned up at court. Then they repainted the double yellow lines, and started giving me tickets again. They were gonna teach me a lesson! But the lines were still not right!
"Everyone" knows that if there's a break in the lines, they're not valid, right? But who's gonna be pig-headed enough to try it on?
Me, that's who.
Three witnesses were called. The traffic warden and two cops, who had given me the tickets. They all submitted statements that the lines were unbroken and in good condition. They all stood in the witness box and repeated this claim.
Being unrepresented, I was allowed to cross-examine them myself.
I was brilliant! I tore them to pieces, shredded them, minced em! Well, I would say that, wouldn't I? It's illegal to secretly record in court, so if I had done I probably shouldn't admit it... If I had recorded it, you can imagine me playing it back over and over, gloating and feeling pleased with myself...
In order to win, I had to establish that they were lying. I also had to persuade the magistrate not to use his "common sense" and ignore the precise technical specifications for yellow lines. By now though, I'd come across as an arrogant jumped-up git who needed to be taught a lesson! So I had an uphill struggle!
I quoted the relevant regulations, "The Traffic Signs Regulations and General Directions 2002"
"Lines must be 100mm with 100mm gap, variations of plus 30% or minus 10%"
The prosecutor suggested that it was obviously not Parliament's intention that lines be repainted every day. The meaning and intention of the lines remained obvious; and anyway, he didn't accept that my photos were genuine. They had produced their own photos which were sufficiently blurred to make the lines look okay. The cop who took the photos was there to say they were okay. That's why I had to show that he was a liar. (Surprisingly easy, he was caught off-guard.)
Then I pulled out my secret weapon, a legal precedent! The case of Davies v Heatley, 1971.
This guy was found guilty of overtaking on double white lines. He appealed, and Won!
The appeal court said, "Since the traffic marking did not conform strictly to the sign as prescribed by the regulation, no offence had been committed"
Nobody in court had heard of either the regulation or the precedent. The borrowed my copy, retired to think about it, and eventually had to give in.
I won! Hahahaha!
The best bit was tearing the witnesses to bits. That was even better than the verdict! If only I dare to post a recording of the proceedings, (assuming that I'd been so foolish to smuggle a tape recorder into court, of course.) :-)
One day, if I've got time, I'll write a precise transcript on here maybe. From my uncannily accurate memory, as no recording should exist.
